its not as safe when your walking alone...ill walk you home.

So like usual im listening to my music and i become inspired
to write. lately i have just felt so much pain. i see it everywhere.
in the faces of my family. my friends. random strangers. its
everywhere. and it sucks. i know in life its unavoidable, but i
hate it. i really hate it. there is nothing worse then seeing people
you care about hurt so much. well maybe there is, but i cant think
of anything so just go with it. somedays i just wish there were
ways to remove all the messed up things in this life. i guess i
just wish i could take the pain away. so that instead of sadness
and anger, i could see complete happiness. a smile instead of a
perma frown. a laugh instead of a tear. love instead of hate. an
excited reply of im great instead of the routine robotic reply "im ok".
this may seem really stupid to you because its impossible. and it
may seem very morbid because i know that there are people out
there who are eccentrically happy all the time and never experience
any pain right? but no matter how happy i am in the day, its not
the same knowing that someone you care about is hurting. its not
the same knowing that people go to bed every night hungry and
without a roof over their head. its not the same knowing
that kids these days are dealing with horrible things that i would
never have even dreamed of dealing with when i was their age.
i dont want to fix things, well maybe thats not completely true,
but i do just wish i could make it go away.

i know life isnt perfect but i can want it to be cant i?

my inspiration
http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/karmina/WALK+YOU+HOME/

Go Obama Go!!

Gotta love this... check it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq8Uc5BFogE

walked away..heard them say poison hearts will never change..

Do you ever feel like things will never change. Like no matter how hard you try to change, who you were crawls right back into who you are trying to be. Ive been struggling with that alot lately. I dont think that its any secret that i have not been the greatest person in the past. I did alot of things I probably shouldnt have done and wasted alot of time on meaningless things that i thought were so important at the time but really were not. And if things werent going the way i wanted them too..then obviously the world was coming to an end. I guess you could say that i was a little bit selfish. I am not saying im going back to my old ways..haha because it was so long ago. I am just saying that some days I still feel like I am not focused on whats most important in life. And i get upset over little things that really dont matter. And i worry about things that really dont matter. And because of that i say things that later i think, well that was a jerk thing to say. Its been happening to me alot lately. So im thinking maybe i should create a sensor or something. You know like on tv were they bleep things out, except when im saying something thats inappropriate or rude it will bleep me out. or i guess i could just quit talking altogether. the last one is probably more realistic. But that would be a little difficult. Anyways.. I am trying really hard to focus on whats important in life and trying to be positive and its just been difficult lately because there has been quite a few discouraging things going on that make it difficult to have a bright outlook on life. So i dont really know where im going with this. Just feel like who i used to be keeps popping up out of nowhere and reminding me of things in my past. And i know people say who you were makes you who you are today but some days i just wish i could forget altogether and start over fresh. Or is that impossible?

Getting Nowhere

"Rushing and racing
and running in circles
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world
I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart"
lyrics-(Emmy Rossum-Slow Me Down)

Some days I just feel like i am in a rut, going
from day to day.Doing the exact same thing as
every other day and doing nothing
with my life. I have these big plans that i always
talk about..traveling..making a difference..making
a change in the world but I do nothing. I procrast-
inate and say well maybe another day. I can always
do it tomorrow but i don't. Maybe tomorrow i will
do all these things Ive always wanted to do and
planned to do but i still don't.

It's so easy in life to just keep up the routine,
stay in my comfort zone and continue doing what
I have always done. To stay busy with all the
little things. It really sucks that fear and
laziness keeps me from what I know i should be
doing and who i should be. This is not meant to
be a rant or an excuse for why i am such a slacker
ha ha.Its just I heard this song today, which
is above. And it made me realize just how much I
am standing in my own way and there is really no
one to blame but myself and reality is that there
is no reason why i shouldn't be moving forward
towards all the things i have planned on doing.

Now all i have left to do is make the change..or
at the very least attempt the change. Maybe i
should apply for a passport? Who knows.